Self Critique Blog Post

The blog post that I think was my best work was one of the rhetoric ones that we wrote where I analyzed a picture advertisement from the 1950s. I thought I did a good job with this one because I spent a lot of time analyzing all the aspects of the photo so it was easy to come up with enough substantial information for the post. I brainstormed rather than just throwing something together, which I feel makes any paper better. I also enjoyed writing that one and anything I enjoy writing about turns out better than something I think is boring.

            There were a few blog posts that I believe I could have done a better job on. This was mostly due to the fact that I could have spent more time on them to analyze what I was writing about more. The ones I had no opinions on like the “Stereotypical News Article” one, I feel turned out worse.

            Over the semester, I learned a lot about the way I write through the blog post. It was interesting to see which ones I found easy to write because I had a lot of ideas on the topic. I didn’t like the idea of blogging at first, which I think much of the class didn’t, but after a while it was a routine type thing that I learned to enjoy. I think the blog posts help me to develop as a writer in general because I could freely write so it helped me learn to flow better in my writing. Knowing how to blog is a useful tool and I’m sure it has potential to be used in the future.

            Writing publically made me nervous at first. Knowing that anyone can be reading what you write really makes you think about what you put down before you write it. This experience has made me more comfortable with people reading my writing because before it made me nervous for people to read my papers, even for peer editing. I enjoyed the blogging experience and what has done for me as a writer. 

Annotated Bibliography

Chandra, Anita. "Does Watching Sex on Television Predict Teen Pregnancy?" PEDIATRICS 122. (2008): 1047-1054. Web. 30 Nov 2010.

            This piece is a scholarly article from the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. The article focuses on the evident increase in children’s exposure to sex through television and the effects it has on the life choices and sexual attitudes of teens. The section most useful to me will be the discussion and conclusion section because it discusses the consequences of sex that are portrayed on television. This can serve as one of my three scholarly articles that are necessary. The article will help me support my argument, that television does not always encourage sexual activity, with credible evidence.

Garber-Paul, Elisabeth. "MTV: Teen Pregnancy Meets Reality Television." RH Reality Check. Information and Analysis for Reproductive Health, 20 May 2009. Web. 30 Nov 2010.

            This article is a post to a health blog discussing the show 16 and Pregnant, which is now a hit MTV series. This is a less informative text but there are still parts of it that can be used towards my response essay. I intend to use the quote “The stories in '16 & Pregnant' are full of hope, heartbreak,

and real-life consequences and should be a must viewing for teens

nationwide.” The author discusses the honesty and reality of the series and how it can actually be a good influence on teens and their sexual health. This will add evidential support to my paper of the idea that reality TV series encourage kids to wait to involve themselves in sexual activity by showing the consequences.

           

West, Kelly. "The Secret Life of the American Teenager-Season One." Cinema Blend. 2009. Web. 30 Nov 2010.

            This article is mainly a review of the television series The Secret Life of the American Teenager. It consists of summaries of all the characters and the plot of the story. What is important for my research in this article is the section where the author talks about how becoming pregnant affected Amy Jergens’s life and the people around her. She also comments that the show doesn’t portray a fantasy world that is unrealistic but instead shows the real consequences and problems Amy is faced with because of her decision. She also mentions the aspect of the show that Amy was the person least expected for this to happen to, therefore it could happen to anyone. This article will help me to incorporate shows in an effort to argue Natalie’s original claim. 

Response Essay

The essay I plan to respond to is Natalie’s essay on “Losing Virginity to the Big Screen’s Lies.” This essay caught my attention because there is a very evident increase in the number of pre-marital pregnancies and related issues across the country, and the world. I plan to counter Natalie’s argument that the media always portrays/encourages early sexual activity. Her argument was that big screen movies and other media promote pre-marital sex and the start of an early sex life. In my essay I will bring light to the way the media encourages waiting by showing the consequences of partaking in these activities too early. I will include examples of media including television series and movies and explain how each discourages early sexual activity. I will relate my argument back to Natalie’s original essay as well. Some shows I will focus on are the Secret Life of the American Teenager, Teen Mom, and 16 and Pregnant. When discussing these shows, I will illuminate the struggles the teens are faced with due to their poor decisions.

            One of the main points I will include is the amount of sacrifices pregnant teens have to make and how it changes their life. In the Secret Life of the American Teenager, Amy, the main character, constantly complains about all of the things she can’t do because she now has a baby. In 16 and Pregnant, many of the young pregnant women also realize that they now cannot do their daily routines and must change their actions to pay for what they did. Another point I will make is the way these decisions ruin relationships, with the girls’ mothers, and partners. I will show how the media portrays this and why it discourages sexual activity too early. I have yet to figure out the last main point I will present but there are many options. I will have to do some research and read others’ opinions about the way the media portrays sexual activity.

Challenging Media

While its hard to hear the end statement of the video, Mickey Mouse Monopoly: Disney, Childhood & Corporate Power, we can’t help to ponder on it after viewing the video. Not many companies have the broad media coverage and ubiquitous conglomerate that Disney possesses. One of the speakers in the video says that Disney is often viewed as a fantasy that need not be questioned. This detail is scary alone; that one company has enough power that anything it portrays is assumed to be innocent and acceptable. Because of the reputation Disney has accumulated over the years, it is understandable that people assume that everything the company produces is good-natured.

            Disney and its products are advocated and endorsed by people around the world. The role they’ve played in children’s lives over the past few generations has made them respectable in a majority of populations. Dr. Henry Giroux, a speaker in the video, was taken aback by the reaction people had when he revealed to them that he was challenging Disney and it’s morality. It seemed as if the idea was unprecedented and confusing to many.

            A big concern with Disney’s message that it sends to younger generations is the portrayal of women. Over the years they have not changed the way the depict women and in today’s age it is an especially predominant issue. Since children look up to the characters in Disney movies, the image they portray about how to act is very important. The speaker’s example of how Belle forgives and justifies the beast’s abusive behavior is one twisted behavior that is portrayed as acceptable through Disney. This issue is present in many forms of media, including the modeling industry, which is discussed in the video, Killing Us Softly 4: Advertising's Image of Women. This video focused on the way media portrays how a woman “should” look, even though the models themselves don’t have that image, and don’t even desire it. Industries like this also contribute to the “very limited world view” idea that we are presented with in the Disney video. It’s an interesting fact to consider that the force of Disney has the power to shape what we thing about the world, people, relationships, and idealism.

            A second concern to Disney critics is the types of ideas Disney is putting into young minds in the interest of racism. The video claims that Disney may be promoting white supremacy, because they don’t have black people in their movies. This is still a big issue and is evident in almost any communities. I think people would have trouble accepting that Disney is a contributor to such hate but it’s an interesting thought to consider. The lack of representation of African and Asian societies is an incorrect portrayal of the world and since Disney has so much power, they plant this idea into kid’s heads early. While I don’t consider Disney a dictator or corrupted company, I believe there are many ideas they should start to evolve when creating new material in order to properly represent what children should be introduced to at a young age.

Dissenting Voices

At the beginning of the Fall 2010 semester, talk about a Florida pastor wanting to burn the Islamic holy book, the Quran, was all the buzz among many news broadcasters. Articles on this topic are abundant and to many, very offensive. While the texts are numerous, one blog post called “Pastor Terry Jones. No Guts. No Glory.,” an article present on Vanity Fair’s website, comes off as ridiculous and unsubstantial. The author, Henry Rollins, starts off with saying “The only thing worse than Pastor Terry Jones scheduled Koran burning is the fact that he canceled the proposed event (Rollins).” Readers would think, after this statement, that the author agreed with Pastor Jones’s preposition to burn the books, yet we soon realize that the author doesn’t really seem to have a solid opinion on the topic. With each paragraph, he flips back and forth, at some points saying that the pastor was a coward for backing out and at other points saying he shouldn’t have gone through with it because “I’m in Islamic countries all the time. It’s not a stretch to say that Jones is endangering my life (Rollins).” He even goes on to say that he hopes that every Christian in America is against the pastor’s proposition. But wait. Didn’t you just say it was a mistake for him to not go through with it? The way Rollins fails to commit to a side of the argument instantly depletes his credibility in my eyes.

            Another aspect of the article that seemed senseless and unprofessional was the language that Rollins used. Rollin’s repeatedly calls Terry Jones an “idiot.” While many will quickly agree with this statement, a more intelligent sounding word choice may have been more appropriate for a post on a popular magazine’s website. When arguing on a touchy subject like this, I always feel that it’s more effective to stay professional and resist sinking down to the level of whom you are accusing. Rollins was more concerned with the fact that Jones was threatening his right to free speech than the content of the act Jones was committing. Rollins said, “this small-time hick has taken my First Amendment and trashed it in this manner is infuriating (Rollins).”           

            Most articles to be found on this subject simply argue against the preposition rather then try to sit the fence on the subject. Why would anyone agree with the pastor anyways? In an interview with CBS, Terry Jones admitted that he knew this act would offend all Muslim people around the world but he wanted it to serve as a warning to the Islamic radicals. Isn’t it very radical of him to burn the Muslim’s holy book? I’m sure he would raise trouble if anyone planned to burn the bible. He also admitted that he didn’t personally know a single Muslim person. I’m not really sure how he considers himself to be a good pastor or good representative of the Christian faith.

Rollins, Henry. "Pastor Terry Jones. No guts. No glory.." Vanity Fair 13 Sep. 2010: Web. 4 Nov 2010. <http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2010/09/pastor-terry-jones-no-guts-no-glory.html>.

Online Interactions

My biggest issue with the blog post comments are that they can be extremely confusing to keep up with, because of the way we organize when our assignments are assigned and when they are due, it can be confusing to distinguish which post to comment on depending on what week it was in and whether it was due on a Tuesday or Thursday. I think the comments have potential to engage good conversation outside of class but I don’t think we take advantage of it as a class. Most of us just comment on other people’s to fulfill our requirement and read the ones on our own. Back and forth conversation rarely occurs over blog comments, which I think is what the activity is aiming for. It would be helpful if we could set it to notify us when someone comments on our blog or comments on something that we previously commented on, somewhat like Facebook notifications. This would be helpful because it is too tedious to keep checking the blog links that we posted comments on, on top of checking our own.

            I think that blog comments are starting to get really impersonal now that they have just become a weekly task for us. We are just used to doing them so it seems like people put less effort into them now. The forum discussions are a new experience so when we have had to do them it didn’t feel like just another one of our tasks but an opportunity to try something new. I think we all put more effort into the forum because it was a new experience and we didn’t know what to expect. I liked the forum because we got to see what everyone else said and explore all the other opinions on just one page. I also thing forum could be really fun to do with interesting topics that everyone has their own strong opinion about.

            I’d like if some blog posts were substituted with forum discussions. We could have a number of posts to the discussion that we would need to contribute. If we did an open-ended topic, it could get interesting if the conversation was held over the course of a week. It would also be fun to be split into groups to be able to talk to a couple people from the class on a more personal level. Then it would be easy to keep track of the conversation and see who is talking to who so we’d be more likely to engage in real conversation.

            While I don’t think that the blog post comments are very effective, I still really enjoy writing the blog posts because I think they really allow us to dig into a topic. I also think that 500 words is a very reasonable lengths so they don’t get tedious. Whether I have thoughtful replies to what people say in their posts or not, I enjoy reading what other people write because I realize that their ideas are usually very different from mine, so it’s nice to look at things from a different perspective. 

Concerns with Qualitative Research

Qualitative research emphasizes on ideas and forming a picture in a reader’s head while quantitative research concentrates on numerical figures. Writing a qualitative research paper will be difficult for me because quantitative data is very helpful and easy to use when trying it make a strong argument but you have to manipulate qualitative data more to support a claim. I’m also worried that I won’t be able to come up with enough quality information to meet the requirements. With qualitative data, the author must dig deep to support their opinions because the amount of logos that comes from numbers is not as evident.            

            One of my main concerns with this paper is finding a good story to use that will have a lot to explore beyond the surface. I always waste so much time looking for a good article to use and then settle for one that I don’t even really like, which ends up with me having a hard time coming up with information to write about. I think I will have a good time with researching the motives behind the way a story has evolved but I think it may also be hard to gather other peoples’ opinions on it. Qualitative research is gathered in the form of interviews and in-depth conversations, not just surveying and gathering statistics. Going out into “the wild” to see how people naturally think and discuss on these topics may be hard so I will need to generate ideas of how to gather information on people’s opinions.

            I think this essay will be interesting to write and research because we can pick a story that we enjoy and therefore it will be more enjoyable to write about. I like digging deep beyond the surface of a text and seeing the motive behind the creator’s actions. I think it will also be fun to conduct research and see what other people write about the story and its differences in blogs and online chats.

            I expect to have some difficulty coming up with a sufficient amount of information and research to include, as usual. But, I plan to overcome this by doing a lot of brainstorming and writing down what ideas I want to include, before I start writing. This way I don’t have to think of everything as I go and I wont forget to include any ideas that come to mind. I also want to start on the paper early so I can leave and come back to it at my leisure and not be forced to just get it all down. I also want to interview a lot of people and do a lot of background research on the story before I write about it.

            Forming open-ended questions will definitely be a task because it is hard to create questions like this that are relevant to a story. To solve this I will read up on some good strategies to follow when forming these kinds of questions based on what kind of answers you want to get in response. 

Stereotypical News Article

In the “article” This is a news website article about a scientific paper, Martin Robbins playfully mocks the way popular articles about science are written an organized. I thought his article was very humorous, mostly because it is completely true. In the text the author shows how articles like this generally follow a bland and typical outline. It is interesting to see how so many articles really follow the general organization that Robbins is mocking. Robbins attacks the authors of this cliché type of articles and the people who read them in one essay, clever.

            Robbins’s witty comment about how audiences need a picture around every 400 words to keep them interested is a very valid point and is obviously utilized in many popular science articles. Although there is much truth behind his theories, many of them are stereotypical. Robbins also attacks the cliché vagueness of these types of articles. He shows how authors use this certain vernacular to make it seem as if what they are saying is credible and backed up by evidence. He also explains the motives behind the syntax of common sentences in these types of articles and they way they change the font and place paragraph breaks.

            My popular article is from a website run by the University of Michigan Department of Surgery. While its author probably has some credibility in the subject, it still follows many of the clichés that Robbins discussed. The article is separated by pictures and has paragraph structure similar to Robbins’ mock-article. It also has bolded headings which according to Robbins is the authors saying “This is a sub-heading that gives the impression I am about to add useful context” (Robbins). My popular article does not follow all of the typical things that Robbins claims these types of articles do but anyone can see where he is coming from and that his points are valid.

Scholarly Article

The topic I have chosen to explore for the second paper is the treatment of Neuroblastoma, a common cancer in children. My scholarly article is about a research project that had the goal of determining if surgery was enough treatment for Neuroblastoma. It was a study conducted by the SIOP Europe Neuroblastoma Group. The study yielded very high survival rates after surgery for patients without the MYCNA gene present but not so great survival rates for patients with the MYCNA gene. They used 427 patients that all had either stage 1 or 2 Neuroblastoma. Of the 288 stage 1 patients, there was a 94.3 percent survival rate. For the 122 stage 2 patients there was an 82.8 percent survival rate. The conclusion of the study was that surgery alone was very helpful for both stage 1 and stage 2 patients without the MYCNA gene but patients in both stages with the MYCNA gene were at a greater risk for relapse.

            My popular article is from the University of Michigan Department of Surgery. It discusses the basics of neuroblastoma and the effects of surgery on neuroblastoma patients. It also discusses how different stages of the cancer require different types of treatment. I would like to use multiple popular articles, if possible, because there are many with valuable information on the subject.

            My biggest concern with this paper is being able to come up with SIX pages just on this subject. I know there is a lot of information but I don’t even understand half of the scholarly article. It doesn’t seem to me like there is enough to discuss on this subject to fill up that many pages. I suppose to fix this problem I will have to search deep into all the elements of both essays. I will explore the context and rhetoric of my popular article, since I can actually understand what it’s saying. I will also have to dive deep into the tones and syntax of the sentences in each and explain how it is hard for any average person to decipher what the scholarly article says. I also plan on talking about the audiences for each and how this affects the way that the author of each writes his or her article.

Scholarly Article: http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?vid=19&hid=106&sid=112bcf35-0587-4210-8d5d-27b1b3d3c4a6%40sessionmgr111&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#db=aph&AN=34559232

Popular Article: http://surgery.med.umich.edu/pediatric/clinical/physician_content/n-z/neuroblastoma.shtml

APA Citations

Scholarly:

De Bernardi, B. (2008). Treatment of localised resectable neuroblastoma. Results of the LNESG1 study by the SIOP Europe Neuroblastoma Group. British Journal of Cancer, 99(7), 1027-1033. doi: 10.1038/sj.bjc.6604640

Popular: (couldn’t find an author for this one… do you just skip it like in MLA?)

(2010).  Cancer in children – neuroblastoma. University of Michignan Health System. Retrieved from: http://surgery.med.umich.edu/pediatric/clinical/physician_content/n-z/neuroblastoma.shtml 

Discussion Forum

I did not think the forum discussion was very useful. It was a good idea but I don’t think we all took it the right way and used it to its potential. This may partly be because I didn’t understand what we were supposed to do until I saw my classmate’s examples, but nonetheless I don’t think I took much away from it. The forum’s goal was to create an environment where we could engage in conversation with our classmates but many of us have too much to do so it isn’t very practical to read everyone’s posts and reply to what they said. I’m not trying to say the idea of the forum is terrible, I just think the execution can be improved.

            The “discussion” forums, especially the second one, just turned into every person’s individual posts with not much linkage between each post. I don’t think this was the goal because after all, it’s supposed to be a discussion. If one person started a conversation and other people replied with substantial opinions, I think it would be more effective. To make the forum discussion more useful we would also need to bring new ideas into the conversation and not just have everyone agree or disagree with whoever posts first. This can also get confusing though if people don’t clarify to whom they are addressing in each post they submit.

            A forum discussion in which we converse over a topic that has more appeal to us would be more interesting to me. If the subject of the forum was something that was controversial and that we all had opinions about, I would find it more engaging and would want to reply to everyone’s post. With a dull topic it sometimes gets to the point where we have nothing to reply to people so we just want to make something up to get our required posts. When students get into that mentality they focus more on the quantity of their posts than the quality. This basically starts the cycle over again because, who wants to read and reply to poor quality posts?

            Another approach that could be taken would be to split the class into halves so that we aren’t talking to as many people. With the whole class, I feel like what I write isn’t really read because it gets lost in a sea of everyone else’s posts. It would also be interesting to have two different discussions going on about completely separate topics where we could chose which discussion we wanted to participate in and put our opinions towards. I really believe if we feel less forced to write about a topic, we’ll put more thought into it and produce more quality posts.

            There are many options and alterations that I think would make the discussion forum more exciting and useful for our class. I like the idea of interacting with my classmates so the forum is a good scheme. I would like to try another one with clarified instructions and interesting articles to discuss.

Entering the Conversation

In Mark Liberman’s blog post, We Need More Bad Science Writers, he discusses the issue that science writers fail to be careful when transferring information from scientific studies to popular writing articles. While this can be for numerous reasons, such as misunderstandings of the results or carelessness in translating scientific lingo, the UPenn professor wants to show everyone how much of an issue it is. Liberman questioned in his blog post “So how can the "health correspondent" for a serious intellectual newspaper be so incredibly careless?” He, along with many other readers in society, cannot begin to fathom why these bad science writers insist on publishing these “spectacularly bad” articles.

            Liberman shows readers how people can take a scientist’s experiment and results and publish an idea that has no evidence behind it. People who publish popular science articles often even completely portray the experiment wrong, saying that the opposite results occurred. This can be an issue for the general public because when given so-called credible sources, they don’t know which to believe. Some people choose to believe the things that they read because it’s very appealing to believe that a pill or some other easy solution can solve their problems.

            Liberman goes on to discuss how one scientist posted completely wrong information about how omega 3 supposedly increased cognitive levels in 11-year-old boys. The article that claimed that fish oil pills helped school children concentrate more in school actually caused rates of fish oil pill sales to increase, even though there was no evidence supporting these claims. There was actually evidence supporting the opposing side. Experiments have shown that the omega 3 actually does not help with concentration, and in fact causes slower reaction times in the experimental groups.

            It is not always easy to distinguish false information from fact but one place to start is to evaluate the source that published the information according to its credibility. This can be tricky though, because as Liberman said, authors can maintain a good reputation and keep their careers even if they continually publish “spectacular failures.” Liberman revealed a reason to be relieved though because it is becoming more popular for bad science articles to be accompanied by an article that shows the truth behind them.  Counter articles that are created to put writers in their place are a good way to determine what is true or false in a report. Another solution to dealing with false published science is to do background research when you think that a claim an author makes is fishy.

            Liberman’s blog post goes to show that you can’t always believe what you read, even if you think the source is credible. Sometimes even people with good reputations publish things when they have no clue what they are talking about. Writers are under a lot of pressure and will sometimes twist the truth in order to create an idea worth writing about that people will read. Maybe the solution is just to get these people fired. I don’t think it’s that simple.

Online Writing

Writing online can be both dangerous and helpful to others. What one reads online should not always be trusted because the validity of information online is not very high. Anyone can post an article online and soon it will be read by hundreds of people and passed on through links and other posts, when it wasn’t even true in the first place. On the other hand, some of what is posted online is true but we can only tell by evaluating the source from which it came. We’ve been taught time and time again how to evaluate sources based on their “.whatever” ending and the messages that the author’s post and yet people still trust unreliable information they read.

            What we post online stays there forever. We can’t completely erase anything that is present on a web page. Information posted on the internet can easily be copied and edited by other people. While this makes it easy to relay information, it can also have its cons. Someone could potentially take something you wrote and edit it to make it seem like you said something you didn’t. People can also keep information that is posted on the internet on their own computers forever, even if you delete the webpage.

            Publishing on the internet can make it easy to spread word. A message can be transferred to millions of people in a matter of minutes once it is posted on the web. With the exponentially increasing use of the internet among people of all ages, this rate is getting even faster. These days, people check the internet hourly (or even more frequently) on their iPods, Blackberries, laptops, etc. Update ourselves on the world around us is now just a touch away.

            When we post to our blogs, the only people who look at our posts are our classmates. It’s possible to other people to view them but it is less likely that they will come across them in their searches. It is a good way to share our opinions with the class but if we wanted to share with more people we would need to take a different approach. Most of the information that reaches millions of people is about top stories or important events, while what we write in blogs is just an expression of our opinions and is not written to be read by that many people.

People use the internet so casually these days and don’t realize the consequences of what they post. Even employers and universities across the country use social networking sites to evaluate their potential employees and students. Some kids start posting things on Facebook about themselves in middle and high school and this information remains online for the rest of their lives. The information that people put on some of these sites can ruin their careers. Almost all sites these days have privacy settings where people can make their information more or less visible to others but not everyone knows how to use them and even some people who do don’t take advantage of it.  

Feedback and Critique

Good criticism of someone else’s writing involves helping them adjust all aspects of their paper in order to perfect it. Feedback on a paper is very important in writing papers because your paper is your words and will always make sense to you but you need to see what it sounds like too another person. The sentences we create may seem clear and obvious to us while they are awkward and confusing to others. We can read through our own papers hundreds of times and still not realize mistakes we made but when someone else reads them, they can notice the first time.

            I think I am helpful when I criticize others’ work because I like suggesting another view they can look at their idea from. I also think its helpful to make their sentences flow better from a reader’s point of view. When critiquing someone’s paper it is important to make sure their ideas make sense to you and correct them if they are organized wrong or in a manner that isn’t clear to others. It can be hard to critique other people’s work because your suggestions could sound rude or aloof. Also, it is difficult to try not to change their ideas and what they are trying to say when you move their words around or adjust their sentences.

            Criticizing other people’s work can be especially hard when you don’t know the person and are not comfortable telling them what to do. It is hard to criticize someone you don’t know because you don’t want to come off as rude or mean to them. You also don’t want to sound bossy or like a know-it-all when giving feedback because it’s their paper and changing too much of their paper can change the ideas they were originally trying to convey.

            The best advice someone can give me when critiquing my paper is to expand on my ideas and show me a different view point because sometimes when we are thinking about something for a long time we get stuck on certain ideas of it and have trouble thinking outside of the box. It is also helpful for someone to tell me when my wording is awkward or if I should use a synonym or substitute for certain words to make my message clearer.

            Getting feedback from many different people is a very good idea because each person’s eyes can realize a mistake that all the others couldn’t since when we read we often skip over little irrelevant words. Also, three different opinions or views on the topic you are writing about are more beneficial than 1 view. If you take the ideas of all 3 people and reconstruct your paper with their suggestions it will be a lot more perfect than the paper with one person’s suggestions.

            Constructive criticism helps people with the grammar, syntax, and context issues in their paper. It helps expand the writer’s ideas while not replacing them or changing their views. It focuses on the fine tweaking so that the author can produce a more perfected final copy.

Shitty First Drafts

In Anne Lamott’s essay Shitty First Drafts, she discusses the idea that one must start somewhere when writing a paper, even if that is just with a jumble of sentences, some of which may be unnecessary. Lamott claims that all writers start with some type of shitty first draft and that is the only way they end up with their later, terrific drafts. Lamott explains that even people who write for a living often have roadblocks in their mind and have to develop from shitty first drafts.

            Reading Lamott’s essay was very encouraging to a writer like myself, who can sit and look at a blank Word document for hours while I brainstorm in an effort to find something to write. She stated that very few writers know what the outcome will be of what they are writing before they write it. I can relate to this because sometimes it takes a few paragraphs before you can figure out where you’re going with something. Once we start writing the ideas come to us quicker as we “get the juices flowing” in our minds. Realizing that this feeling of “pulling teeth” that Lamott mentioned is common was very encouraging as well because sometimes it just feels like I’m grasping for something to write and it seems really forced.

            I liked Lamott’s idea about writing a “child’s draft” first, because as she said “You need to start somewhere.” It’s a good way to get all your ideas out there. This is another article I wish someone would have shown me in high school, like Robert’s How to Say Nothing in 500 Words. I also enjoyed her saying that the first is the down draft, where you just get everything down on paper, and the second is the up draft, where you fix it all up. I like this approach better than how they made us write in high school, where every sentence had to be grammatically perfect and sophisticated from the start.

            Lamott’s discussion on all the little voices in your head that prevent you from writing what first comes to your fingers was very humorous to me. That was probably what I could relate to most in the essay. I feel like those voices, that say “that’s too boring” or tell you that what you’ve written just wont work, definitely cause me to hold back sometimes when I’m writing. Her exercise with the mice, which was also funny, is actually a good idea of a way to clear my mind because I like silly visual things like that.

            The section about perfectionism eased some of my anxieties because it made me realize that I often strive to create perfect sentences and feel like I’ve failed but Lamott suggests that perfect sentences leave no room for playfulness and other aspects that make a paper interesting.  She also insists that when we strive for perfection we cramp up our muscles that allow us to write freely.

            Anne Lamott’s essay Shitty First Drafts was very helpful for those times when I feel like there is absolutely nothing to write. She encouraged writers to let it all flow out even if you don’t know where you’re going with it. Now I know if I’m in a rut with no ideas and pages to write, all I have to do is write a Shitty First Draft. 

What is it?

A rhetorical analysis is the discussion of a piece of text that is made to send a message. It tears apart every aspect of the text to understand the speaker’s motivation for creating the text. When a rhetorical analysis is composed it searches beyond the surface look of the text and into the persuasive details of it. The analysis looks at how the speaker appeals to the three points of the rhetorical triangle: pathos, logos, and ethos.

            To start a rhetorical analysis, one must first understand the situation for which the text was composed, the exigence. You have to find out what the author’s motive was in making the text, why he created it in the first place. By understanding the occasion and context for which it was writing, you can then analyze the author’s intentions better. Along with this, you need to decide who the speaker is. Whether it is a company, a private sponsor, or the government, who the text is coming from makes a big difference on how we interpret it. When look at the author one should also interpret how he establishes his personal credibility. How does he make people think they should listen to him?

            The speakers intended audience should also be considered. Is the text directed toward the general population, kids, parents, or maybe business people? This also reveals how the speaker appeals to certain aspects of the audience’s personality and takes advantage of their opinions to create a more persuasive ad.

            Next, the author’s intention and message should be analyzed. You need to see why the author created it: out of anger, concern, to convince you to buy something, etc. You can also analyze how he uses certain techniques to portray the message in a persuasive manner. It is important to understand his message and how he makes it appeal to us because we can easily be sucked into things if we don’t take the time to step back and analyze it.

            In my rhetorical analysis, I plan to first describe the surface information presented in the video. Then I will analyze the intent of each aspect and what the producer was appealing to when he created it. I will include information about who the speaker is and how he speaks to his audience. I will also incorporate who the intended audience is and what opinions they have that the author appeals to. I will talk a lot about the producers appeal to pathos because the video is very emotional and that appeal is the strongest. I will also analyze how the producer could have better appealed to ethos because that is the weakest. Although the video was persuasive, it could be more effective with stronger appeals to logos and ethos.

            A complete rhetorical analysis includes information on the speaker, audience, message, and persuasive methods. It is important to analyze the rhetoric of ads, or any text, so we can understand how the author appeals to our personalities in order to persuade us.

Propaganda

During World War II, the government and other private sponsors were willing to create any image to convince people to believe their opinions. They installed fear and hate through their posters and used many methods of persuasion, including rhetoric, to do so. They put the citizens in fear to keep them under their control and persuade them into doing things like buying war bonds. The posters told people to save their waste because anything could be used to make weapons in the depression that they were in. The posters advocated keeping quite about the war, buying only what you need, and portrayed the Japanese and Germans as barbaric and evil.

            At this point in time, propaganda is usually significantly less offensive than it was during the forties because everyone is supposed to be considered equal now and it is unacceptable to rudely portray groups of people. In the 1940s posters made jokes about women being able to do men’s jobs. An occurrence like that would be revolted against and improper in current times.

            The topics of propaganda now are very different than those from sixty years ago. As times have changed, so has the propaganda used to portray peoples’ opinions and messages. Now many posters revolve around the oil spill, the War in Iraq, and the president, who is commonly targeted by propagandists. With all the new technology, the government and any business can get their message out a lot faster than the out-dated propaganda posters could do. They can project their opinions through TV shows, radios, and many other forms of technology and the speed of word travelling is much faster.

            These days, news shows like 60 minutes and NBC Dateline discuss current issues and implant ideas into viewers’ heads as did the posters of the 40s. Shows like The 700 Club, a Christian organization that talks about current issue share their biased, fictional opinions with viewers who, since many don’t know better, believe them. They think the show is credible when frankly, it’s junk.

            Two of the pictures I have attached have to do with the recent oil spill in the gulf. The one with the little boy shows how vacations have been ruined and kids disappointed because they can’t play in the clear ocean without getting oil on them. It also shows some dead animals that are covered in oil and can’t be saved. This is negative advertisement for the BP Company but could also advocate people helping with the recovery of the gulf.  The other is the BP logo, which is closely associated with the company in viewers’ minds, and in the picture it seems to be leaking in to the water and contaminating the area. It calls the mess up “not so slick, actually” which is ironic for an oil company so it sabotages their reputation.

            The other picture I have added shows George Bush standing with a group of representatives from different oil companies. It was likely created by someone who believes that Bush started the war primarily to get oil from the Middle Eastern countries. By removing the leader of the country from power, the can retrieve oil from his land.

            Contemporary propaganda has the same motives as propaganda from 60 years ago, only about different topics. These days, someone’s message can get to millions of people faster and therefore it is easier to convey one’s opinion.

                  

Preliminary Thoughts

           The piece of media that I have chosen to write about is an advertisement sponsored by a hotline in Australia that helps people quit smoking. The advertisement takes place in a busy airport. A very young boy and his mother are walking around and when they arrive at their destination, they stand hand in hand. There is a big rush of people walking in all directions and somehow the boy’s mother disappears in the crowd. After looking around for a while the boy starts to cry out of fear and loneliness. The narrator proceeds to say “If this is how your child feels after losing you for a minute, just imagine if they lost you for life.” The advertisement is moving and heartbreaking to a viewer.

            This advertisement was very stirring and emotional for me. First off, I love children and seeing that little boy all alone in a crowd of adults just made me want to help him immediately, as I’m sure was the point of the producers. Also, one of my best friend’s fathers died from lung cancer so I know this is a serious issue and I agree that people should be informed about it and encouraged to quite smoking.

            While I acknowledge that the advertisement is effective in fulfilling its intent to encourage people to quit smoking, I would also like to cover some ways the ad could have elaborated on the topic to make the advertisement more effective. I plan on exploring some elements of ethos and logos that could have been incorporated into the commercial to make it more persuading. Some statistics could have easily been included and they would have been very valuable for the ad.

            The strongest element of this advertisement is clearly its appeal to pathos. The music, the little boy crying, the feelings of loneliness and abandonment, and the narration all cause a viewer to be overwhelmed with feelings as they watch. The ad makes people want to not only stop quitting, but encourage others to stop quitting. It is all motivated by the fear of losing a loved one, an element that is a common ground for many and the producers took advantage of that. The ad also has an element of ethos because, as I have noticed in my research, this hotline is trusted and popular in Australia. They have many advertisements against smoking that are all heartfelt and touching.

            In order to write this paper I will need to further explore into the details of the advertisement because what I have now won’t fill up five pages. I also need to make arguments about how the ad could have been more effective. I plan on finding statistics that are relevant to the topic and exploring other ads made by this company to discuss the message that they advocate. This paper will really require for me to dig deep and analyze more than the surface aspects of this piece of media.

Why can't all the doors just say "Men" or "Women"?!

            In the article Go Where?: Sex, Gender, and Toilets the author explores and analyzes a variety of washroom signs from all over the globe. She shows how many bathroom signs stereotype gender and the way that the signs set expectations for gender performance. While this is not something an ordinary person would pay notice to on their way in (possibly because they are more concerned on making it to the restroom), it is a plausible study on the way gender is depicted.

            In the article, the author argues that bathrooms are generally separated because of the assumed sexuality of humans, that they will be attracted to the opposite sex. She also argues that this basis for separation characterizes men as predatory towards women that they are attracted to. I think that this may only be the opinion of the author, in her argument that separating bathrooms this way is biased towards heterosexuals. My opinion is that the point in separating by gender is because it is socially unacceptable to use the restroom in the same room as someone of the opposite sex because of the different parts that each possesses. In this case, people would use the same washroom as people of the same sex as them, no matter their sexuality.

            Towards the end of the article, the author shows that in Germany, women are represented by fire and men are represented by water while in Brazil, fire represents men and women are portrayed with a flower. I found this interesting because it shows that these gender stereotypes are not universal. What if someone from Germany was visiting Brazil?

            The author puts a lot of emphasis throughout the essay on the fact that many bathroom signs depict women as a continuation of men. The first example of this, where one door says “wo” and the other says “men” is someone disturbing because I can’t see a reason why the establishment would not just write “women” on the door for girls. This makes the stereotyping seem very intentional, more than most of the others in the article, because it could be easily changed.

            I think the author of the article is a little picky in her criticisms of the way the men’s and women’s washrooms are depicted. My view is that the signs should make the bathrooms distinguishable in some way so a picture of a blue tie for a boy and a pink bow for a girl is acceptable because it is easy for someone to tell which is for either gender. I think the problem develops when the picture is something that can arguably portray both genders.

            Another thing that the author explores is the way bathroom signs portray how men and women are supposed to act. In many cases men the men are buff with wide torsos and the women have pretty wavy hair and lipstick. While these are just common gender expectations, some find them offensive and stereotypical.

            At a restaurant in my home town, when you go in the women’s restroom, the back of the door says “men,” which causes people to think they are in the wrong restroom once they go through the doors. While this is not gender biased, stereotypical, or offensive, it is funny. I’d like to see what the author of Go Where?: Sex, Gender, and Toilets would have to say about that.

Royal Crown Cola Makes You Feel Like NEW!

            This advertisement for Royal Crown Cola symbolizes beauty, fun, and refreshment all in one. It makes the product very appealing to viewers through the aspects of the rhetorical triangle. The advertisement is directed towards a general audience, excluding children, who typically have no interest in golf or attractive women. The person who produced this advertisement definitely had the rhetorical triangle persuasion strategy on his mind when he created it.

The producer appeals to the pathos point of the triangle by portraying lust, friendship, and fun. The beaming, smiling, and merry girl is obviously having a good time while drinking Royal Crown Cola. She appears to be fun loving and attractive, the kind of girl that all men want to have and that all girls want to be. The poster displays friendship because there is another bottle sitting on the table which is obviously for a companion but it is left up to the reader to decide whether it’s a friend, family member, or a mystery date. The golf attire and accessories also symbolize fun, fitness, and social acceptance because golf is commonly described as a social sport. The ad also claims that drinking Royal Crown Cola “makes you feel like new!” This associates a feeling of refreshment with the drink. It enhances the appeal to people who are bored with their lives or want to enjoy new experiences.

As if all that wasn’t persuasive enough, the producers also appealed to the logos part of the triangle. The way that “makes you feel like NEW” is written, emphasizing the “new” by putting it in all uppercase letters makes it sound authoritative and sure. The ad also claims that Royal Crown Cola is “best by taste test.” This is the element of logos because it is supposedly a fact. It also tries to signify that experiments have been done to prove that Royal Crown is the best tasting cola. It’s also persuading because people get the feeling that if other people who have been testing it think it is the best, then you should like it too. The fact that it has been proven “by taste test” also appeals to ethos because it makes it sound like credible information.

In this ad, the pathos appeal is represented the most. The producers obviously try to touch in to peoples’ emotions and make people feel like drinking Royal Crown Cola will show them how to have a good time.  It also tells a viewer that they will be happier with this product, like the girl in the photo, and that it can improve their social life and love life.

            The message in this ad is that everyone should drink Royal Crown Cola because it will “renew” your life. Drinking RC Cola will get you the girl of your dreams and a classy social life. It also persuades viewers that they can never be lonely drinking RC Cola because it represents companionship. I think the message is effective because one is instantly overwhelmed with a euphoric feeling when they see the advertisement. Greek philosopher Aristotle would have agreed with me in saying that the producers of this ad used their rhetoric skills in creating a persuasive advertisement. It integrated all the points of the triangle to convince people that they will be happier drinking Royal Crown Cola. 

How to Say Nothing in 500 Words!

Paul Roberts’ How to Say Nothing in 500 Words is an article I wish a teacher had approached me with on my first day of ninth grade English class. His distinction between what is viewed as useless padding as opposed to essential and informative content to a reader is very revealing. Under the topic “Avoid the Obvious Content” Roberts suggests eliminating every thought that comes to your mind first when brainstorming on how to argue a claim. While this is an unappealing and uncomfortable thought at first, because after you cross out the obvious one is left with nothing to write, it is a good way to dig deeper into your own opinions rather than repeating what everyone else is going to say. Roberts expands this thought by showing more unconventional ways to explore a topic that would be less mundane to a reader. This method seemed daring to me at first but it made me realize how much I failed to eliminate stale content in previous papers. Another thing that the piece drew to my attention is how obvious some of the padding is that I commonly incorporated into my papers, sometimes without realizing it. One part of the essay that will be useful to me in the future is the section entitled “Call a Fool a Fool.” Previously I would be one to dart around the truth if I had wanted to call my high school principal a fool but Roberts says to just do it. Reading this section of the article brought to my attention how much more powerful it is to blatantly speak your opinion instead of beating around the bush in an attempt to be modest.  

The section on how to use colorful and colored words will also be very helpful in my future writing. I didn’t realize previously that there was a difference between the two, but now I can utilize this type of language to enhance a basic sentence into one full of words that stimulate the senses and trigger emotions. Roberts’ two simple examples, the transformation of “Her heart beat” and “It was hot”, were enough to influence my writing style. Never again will I leave a sentence emotionless and bland. The section really emphasized how much potential there can be in any bare statement. Roberts also extended the topic by showing the opposite side of the argument and revealing how distasteful “colorless” words can be to a reader.

I enjoyed reading Roberts’ How to Say Nothing in 500 words and appreciate his approach on the subject. Rather than monotonously covering the topic he wrote an interesting but effective piece.  The essay brought to my attention many of my writing flaws but it also gave me confidence in knowing that I am not alone in making these mistakes and that there are many solutions to make my writing more appealing. I plan on referring back to Roberts’ essay before composing many future papers.

Until next time, Amira